Exactly 5 years ago I woke up in the very early hours, after very little sleep and my Mum and my boyfriend drove me to the airport in Budapest. I was so excited that I don't think I realized how long it will be until the next time I will see them again. After re-packing my suitcases (because where can you find a girl who is able to pack less than 20kg for a year? Duh!), checking-in, making sure my Mum see; I do have my passport and insurance and all the important stuff on me; I was ready to say goodbye. I think my Mum cried, but she didn't want me to see it, she didn't want to ruin my excitement perhaps. She wanted to be happy for me eventho her heart was breaking inside.
I walked through the metal detector, sat down in the almost empty hall (because if you go anywhere with my Mum, she will make sure you'll rather be there an hour early than a minute late :)), I pulled out a cigarette, my phone rang - it was one of my best friends, she just woke up, I think it was only 7am, her voice was so sleepy still, but she called... To say goodbye. That's when it all sank in. I burst into tears and couldn't stop. I have never felt so alone in my entire life.
It was my decision, right? I was ready to get on that plane and fly 13,000 kms, leave family and love behind, get on with something new... But all of a sudden it was terrifying. Eventually I stopped crying of course - I think I just needed it so much that it couldn't stay inside :) - and 2 planes, 13,000kms and 24 hours later I arrived to where it all began... Sydney, Australia, The World of Oz, the Land of kangoroos and koalas and convicts and sunshine and the ozone hole... Oh it was a feeling like no others!
5 years, plenty of challanges, a few heartbreaks, some tears, lots of laughs and even more experience later; I am still here.
In the World of Oz. Where miracles do happen - I believe.
If I wouldn't have come here I wouldn't be the person who I am today (and you would probably not read this blog), so today (because it's been 5 years after all!) I'd like to thank Australia for all and everything - good&bad - it has given me because it truly was the best thing in my life so far!
Here to make more mistakes to learn from, more experiences to grow from and more friends to enjoy it with!
Thank you for everything, Australia. x
P.s.: My Mum's heart recovered since :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
My Amazing Mum - Maintaining Love from the Distance
This morning I woke up and realised that I haven't been in touch with my Mum in a good few days. I moved to the other side of the World 5 years ago therefore we usually chat online or email each other or talk on Skype but somehow we haven't done it for a few days now. I've also had a missed call on my phone from a blocked number which usually means an o/s call. This always makes me nervous and worried so I wanted to make sure it's all ok at home.
I started a long email to her because I felt guilty that I haven't made contact with her in the longest time. (Such a bad child.. I know!) I wanted to tell her how much I love her and miss her and that I think of her every day and feel bad that I got slack and only replied to her emails/chats instead of me starting one.
People who know me know that my lack of communication with home doesn't mean my lack of love for them. For a fact; my family is veryvery important to me. We went though a lot together and everytime something important happen to them over in Hungary and I can't be part of it, it makes me sad.
BUT! I'm coming from a familiy where I didn't see my Dad for weeks sometimes, but usually never more often than once a week. He was traveling all the time, so I grew up with his constant absence and learnt that love can be maintained without psyically being close to the person. I made a decision 5 years ago and my family knows how happy I am here. As hard as it is for all of us, they do understand (well I believe they do) why it's better for me here in Sydney than Budapest.
I wrote the longest email to my Mum about all and everything that has happened with me since we last spoke, how much i love her and my thoughts on visiting home this year. She is an awesome woman and honestly; I have no idea how she can cope with the void I left. Not that I'm that fantastic, but i'm her daughter. The only daughter. And however she's got my brother, his kiddies and the rest of the family there for her - I can't even start to imagine how hard it must be for a parent when they can only see their child once in every couple of years... And please don't think that it gets any easier with time passing. To tell you the truth it gets harder with every week and month. But we have to sacrifice whatever decision we make in life. Yes, I miss out on birthdays, weddings, baby births and a whole lot of other important occasions, but I try my best to make up for it everytime I visit home - at the end of the day I have to make more effort as I moved away from them not the other way around. And yes, it's so veryvery hard not to be able to go home to my Mum for some home made soup or a big hug when I'm upset or hurt, and it is even harder not to be there for my Mum when she's sad and she needs my hug. Of course it is hard to hear my brother telling me how sad he is that I don't see his kids grow up, but in his children's eyes I sure am the coolest aunty, who lives where the kangaroos live and send cool stuff occasionally (not to mention that I will reach a whole new level of coolness in those kids eyes when they can holiday in Australia in the school holidays!)... (At least this thought always makes me smile. I can't wait to have them here for a visit!)
All in all; I love my family.
And love means that you understand or at least accept your loved ones decisions in life. It is never easy, but whatever makes them happy, we have to let them go for it. And if you are in the same shoes as me, live far away from home by choice because you followed your dreams, but can't see your family whenever you want to; just think of all the happiness you've got from your furtunate situation to live somewhere amazing! I promise you, it will make them happy too!
Enjoy life! You've only got one to live!
Love passionately! You never know when it's going to end.
Be positive! Life if too short for spending it upset.
Have a Happy Easter!
I started a long email to her because I felt guilty that I haven't made contact with her in the longest time. (Such a bad child.. I know!) I wanted to tell her how much I love her and miss her and that I think of her every day and feel bad that I got slack and only replied to her emails/chats instead of me starting one.
People who know me know that my lack of communication with home doesn't mean my lack of love for them. For a fact; my family is veryvery important to me. We went though a lot together and everytime something important happen to them over in Hungary and I can't be part of it, it makes me sad.
BUT! I'm coming from a familiy where I didn't see my Dad for weeks sometimes, but usually never more often than once a week. He was traveling all the time, so I grew up with his constant absence and learnt that love can be maintained without psyically being close to the person. I made a decision 5 years ago and my family knows how happy I am here. As hard as it is for all of us, they do understand (well I believe they do) why it's better for me here in Sydney than Budapest.
I wrote the longest email to my Mum about all and everything that has happened with me since we last spoke, how much i love her and my thoughts on visiting home this year. She is an awesome woman and honestly; I have no idea how she can cope with the void I left. Not that I'm that fantastic, but i'm her daughter. The only daughter. And however she's got my brother, his kiddies and the rest of the family there for her - I can't even start to imagine how hard it must be for a parent when they can only see their child once in every couple of years... And please don't think that it gets any easier with time passing. To tell you the truth it gets harder with every week and month. But we have to sacrifice whatever decision we make in life. Yes, I miss out on birthdays, weddings, baby births and a whole lot of other important occasions, but I try my best to make up for it everytime I visit home - at the end of the day I have to make more effort as I moved away from them not the other way around. And yes, it's so veryvery hard not to be able to go home to my Mum for some home made soup or a big hug when I'm upset or hurt, and it is even harder not to be there for my Mum when she's sad and she needs my hug. Of course it is hard to hear my brother telling me how sad he is that I don't see his kids grow up, but in his children's eyes I sure am the coolest aunty, who lives where the kangaroos live and send cool stuff occasionally (not to mention that I will reach a whole new level of coolness in those kids eyes when they can holiday in Australia in the school holidays!)... (At least this thought always makes me smile. I can't wait to have them here for a visit!)
All in all; I love my family.
And love means that you understand or at least accept your loved ones decisions in life. It is never easy, but whatever makes them happy, we have to let them go for it. And if you are in the same shoes as me, live far away from home by choice because you followed your dreams, but can't see your family whenever you want to; just think of all the happiness you've got from your furtunate situation to live somewhere amazing! I promise you, it will make them happy too!
Enjoy life! You've only got one to live!
Love passionately! You never know when it's going to end.
Be positive! Life if too short for spending it upset.
Have a Happy Easter!
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